Gina I can't believe it's been 5 birthdays without you here althrough you know I never missed not EVEN ONE. Megan Auntie Shirley and I all went up to the cemetery gave you balloons flowers and cards and spent the day there. My heart is always broken and I'll never understand why? But I did find out one good thing is that I asked someone at the cemetery that worked there to see when I die if I was creamated if I could be buired with you? The gentlman said I could and he would be sending me info on that this made me feel alot better. Now I know I'll be with you again some day.
Megan is growing like a weed I can't believe she starts Junior High School this fall. I know you're proud of her. I can't say enough how wonderful you raised your daughter just the short time you had her. WOW! What a job you did what she would of known if you were still here to teach her more? She is one smart Baby Doll.
As you know I'm finally feeling better life could be better but things has changed and now I have to take steps forward. I LOVE YOU SWEETPEA SO VERY MUCH. Don't leave me EVER cause I do count on your help.
I still wait for you in my dreams but no show WHY?
It has been 4 years since that horrible night that you were taken from me. My heart is broken like it was just yesterday, life goes on, but in my case breathing just goes on. I don't UNDERSTAND why is earth or God's name you were taken from me. Sweetie I want to be with you ASAP, can't wait for the day.
Your Brother is getting married in 2011 to a lovely girl. You would really love her and get alone with her so much. Megan loves Katharine and she said Katharine reminds her of you her Mommy. I told both your Brother and Katharine I wished they were not get married or have children, because I couldn't stand it if anything happen to them like it has to me and your father. It's bad enough for your Dad and I losing you, I couldn't bare the thought of your brother losing his wife or child.
It's just not fair that you're not here being with your brother and daughter while they go through lifes new trails. You should be here with them. You were the better person then me, by a long ways.
I can't get the image out of my head of the horrible night. I don't know how long I can keep going on this screwed up world. I'm tired of fighting for everything that is right. Nothing comes easy for me and I don't know why? I miss leaning on your shoulders and talking to you. I miss your surprise visits at my work, home or any place else you would pop up just to be with me.
I honestly believe you sent your Auntie Shirley to me when you passed away. Because she is the one by my side no matter what mood I'm in. We are good for each other, this is the only good thing that has come out of your death. I also have been thinking that it's been 4 years since Auntie came back into my life. I don't know if I told you but I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING CARE OF ME.
Gina life really does suck without you here, yes I love being with Shirley, Katharine, DJ and Megan and sometimes even your father when he's feeling ok. I'm sorry I don't get along with Patrick and his new family but for some reason I just can't be close to them. You taught Megan so much for the little time you had her in your life. You where a wonderful, loving, caring Daughter, Sister, Mother and Wife to all of us.
You also know that DEE DEE is going through some hard times with cancer, PLEASE SWEETPEA watch over her and ask God to make her strong. It's not right that DEE DEE has to go through this or her parents.
Please come to me in my dreams I wish for this every night, but my wish doesn't come true but I'm not going to give up because I love and miss you so much that I just have to see and talk with you again. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.
I just want you to know that I think of you all the time, I look at your photo's and I look into your eyes and my eyes start to water. Life really isn't fair, and boy we both know this. The sounds of your voice is getting dim in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I still can remember you but the sounds of your voice I MISS SO MUCH. I catch myself wanting to tell you something then I realize that I can't cause you're not here. I WANT YOU SWEET PEA, PLEASE COME TO ME. I NEED YOU. I'm so alone and heart broken not having my daughter right there when I need her. It's really hard for me to cope that I can't get to you to give you a hug. I MISS YOUR HUGGS AND KISSES. I really do hate my life Sweetie. I really feel like I'm just taking up space and others air. Why am I here? I really hate this pain I'm in all the time. I know people say that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle, well I really don't think he was thinking right when it came to me, living my life without you. IT'S NOT FAIR.
I Love you and miss you so much. I lay in bed and look at your pictures and I can't change my way of thinking that why did I bring you into this world? So everyone here can be in pain because you were taken from all of us to soon?
I'm really close to your Auntie Shirley, I call her my Mini Me. She lets me break down and be myself when I'm upset about not having you. She has a tough life herself. You know how Uncle Randy is so mean to her and how many times he hurts her. Sometime I wish I could just take her place so she wouldn't be hurt. Mini Me is a very special person, and Randy doesn't know what he has because I know one day when she gets strong enough that she will leave him. Then he will realize what he had, since he lost her. I worry about her all the time and I don't care what Randy thinks, I'll be by Auntie Shirley's side when she wants me to. I love her so much. We both hurt in our family, but the only time we really don't hurt is when we're together.
I will always want you, I wish you would come to me in my dreams. That's a big dream of mine to be with you in my dreams if I'm stuck here on eart. Well I guess I should go for now. I LOVE YOU SWEET PEA AND PLEASE REMEMBER THAT. You are my little girl who I love with all my heart.
Well Sweet Pea I know you know all that has happen since the last time I wrote anything here. I just can't accept you being gone. MY heart is broken and will never mend.
Well Patrick got married Nov. 8th 2008 to Tobriah so now you have a ex-husband. I know life goes on, I hear it from everyone but my life doen't go on. I'm stuck in a dark hole and there isn't a way out of it. The only way I see out of it is when I die. I'm getting old and forgetful. I would love for Patrick to make me a DVD of all the video's he has of you but no such luck. So I play the ones I have and my head, heart and whole body just goes numb. IT'S NOT FAIR, you should be here with Megan.
Megan is growing so fast, and she looks like you more and more everyday. You sure taught her alot the short time you had her to yourself. I have so much crap in my head that I wish it would all go away. NO such luck. I miss you and love you so much Sweet Pea. I was watching Megan eating this past weekend and she put a smile on my face. I noticed that she eats like you do. She sticks her tounge out and then puts the fork/spoon in her mouth just like you did. Thanks, your Daughter is keeping you alive and close to me.
Christmas isn't the same anymore. Yes I put stuff up but nothing like I used to. I just can't get into it anymore. I try but it's not there. My heart hurts so I'll go for now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY / MOM (Mother/Best Friend )
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday Dear Sweet Pea,
Happy Birthday to YOU.
Sweet Pea, I can't believe that you're 33 years old. God I miss you sweetie, it's not right you're not here with the family. I'll NEVER heal from this pain that I'm going through. I love you Gina with all my heart and soul. It's so hard to continue here without you. Megan is growing up so fast, can you believe she is 11 years old? She looks like you more and more each day.
Dad took her school clothes shopping today and the stuff she picked out sure reminds me of YOU. I think she was cloned, LOL.
I think of you everyday, and my heart still hurts, I don't cry much anymore. I think it's the meds I'm taking. I just can't see our family like it was. I really don't think Disney World is going to happen. Sorry Sweetie but I can't see me going there without you. It wouldn't be the same anyway.
I still wait in my dreams for you to come and visit, but I guess that's not going to happen just like not having you here with me. Life really sucks and I can't do a damn think about it. I just have to live my life here the way it's planned out to be. I really don't know how or what the plan is but so far it's in the toilet.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH.
Hugs and Kisses forever
Close
Well Sweet Pea your brother is finally ENGAGE to be married. Can you believe your little brother is going to get married? They haven't set a date but he called Katharine's father to ask him for his permission for his daughters hand in marriage. Isn't that so sweet of your Brother and thoughtful? He got her a beautiful ring. She is one lucky girl and I'm really happy for him. He's doing really good as you well know. He's got a really good job and him and Katharine bought the house next door so I have my little one next to me all the time. I know you're so proud of your little brother, he has come along way. DJ and Katharine said when the time comes to have children and they have a little girl they are going to name her after you, GINA isn't that sweet? Your brother really loves you and misses you so much. Katharine told me it would seem funny to me when I called their daughter GINA. I said yes it would but it would be really NICE.
You and Katharine would be best of buddies, you both are so much alike. She wished she could of met you. LIFE SUCKS that you can't be here to enjoy all this stuff going on in your little brother life. I STILL WANT YOU HERE WITH US.
Megan is doing really good, she's doing some activities and she going to be in a little play. We're all going to see her and I know you'll be with her and you're PROUD of your daughter. She is so much like you Sweet Pea it's kind of scary. LOL Megan got so upset when she couldn't come over for your father's birthday this past week. Your Dad had to calm her down and she told him that she never missed one of his birthday and she had to be there. Dad explain to her that we would all get together this week end and do something. That made her feel a little better. You really taught Megan a lot in such a short time you where with her. I'm SO PROUD OF YOU. Your father and I have raised two really good kids who turned out to be wonderful people for this sick world.
Dad is doing so so and he thinks of you often and we both still have our moments of breaking down and wishing you were here. It's just not right that you're not here and we are. You should be here with Megan and keep teaching her not us. Dad has been sick a lot this past winter, he keeps telling us he doesn't have much time left here. He really believes that he will see you again. I can't say that because I don't know what I believe in anymore, all I know is that you're not here with us, and it makes me so ill and I just can't except it. GOD IT MAKES ME SICK. I'll NEVER get over you being gone. I love you so much Sweet Pea and no one can ever take that love from me.
Well I know I haven't been visiting your site that much, but I'm trying to get better. Dad keeps making me go to the doctors and now I'm taking more anti depressants plus sleeping pills. I guess I'll have to take all of that until the day I die. I'm getting really tired of life and I'll never understand why I'm left here and you had to leave?
I LOVE YOU SWEET PEA AND MISS YOU SO MUCH. PLEASE COME AND VISIT ME, I REALLY DO NEED YOU
Well Labor Day was my Union Picnic and everyone thought I should meet Patrick's NEW LOVE of his life. I really was having a hard time with this. Patrick and his NEW GIRLFRIEND/ WIFE TO BE, was going to the picnic one way or another. Lorraine invitied them so they were going anyway. I was really hurt by Lorraine inviting Patrick's wife to be and her kids to my union picnic. I really don't think Lorraine meant to hurt me but it sure was. I never had a choice not go, Your father said I was going and I had to be civil about it. This damn world really sucks, I'm here on this earth so people can hurt me over and over. POOR ME. I guess that's why I'm on this earth for people to keep punching me over and over again.
Top it off, your father invitied your husband's girlfriend daughter over for the night. I know the kids have nothing to do with but I'm just hurt. Now your father has two grand daughters and two more grandsons. Family is getting bigger every moment and my heart has a big empty hole in it which will never be whole.
Today is Gram's birthday and your spending it with her. Give her my love and tell her I'm all mixed up and that all I want is to be with the both of you. Everyone tells me how selfish I am to say that. All I think of is myself, how much pain I'm in and I don't think of others. How can I think of others? All I think of is YOU and how you're not here and everything keeps going on without you. Like you never was here to begain with. That really upsets me to think that people do this. I cant change anything and what's the use of this living? You try your hardest no matter what and what is the outcome of it?, a BROKEN HEART NO MATTER WHAT.
Also my car was broken into Friday morning they broke the passenger front window, windshield, and the dash all up. They went thru the glove box and I just can't understand how I work so darn hard and someone else thinks they can have anything? That they just take someone elses stuff that they work so hard to get in the first place. I just chalk it up as another punishment for me for being on this earth. It's part of my life and somehow I should get use to it. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH. WILL I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN?
HONORING YOU AND YOUR DREAMS / MOM MOTHER
HAPPY 32ND BIRTHDAY SWEETPEA, God I can't believe it's your 3rd Birthday without you here. Well this past month has been really busy. Your dream of going to NEW YORK came true through the eyes of mine and your Auntie Shirley. Yes we went to New York to see the sights that you wanted to see. First of all we went to the Lady Statue as your Auntie Shirley called it. It was so cool, of course I video taped it and I said this one for you Sis. We spent lots of time visiting the Statue of Liberty, then we went to Ground zero. I couldn't believe how big this was and it was nothing like I expected, then we went to Central Park and your Auntie Shirley got to see John Lennon's momorial and his apartment he lived in which was right across the street from his Memorial. That was really cool, and then we took a horse cariage ride through Central Park. I tried to remember everything you said you would love to see. Plus there was a bonus also. When we stayed at Jonathan's house we surprise his Mom with a very nice Birthday. He took us out to a very nice resturant with table coth and all. then he booked a 3 hour tour to see Washtington DC. I know you would of love this, with all the HISTORY. It was really cool seeing everything in person and not just in a magazine or TV.
I really never thought your dream would come true and it did. I'm so proud of doing this and YES I know you were with us doing our vacation to Washington DC and New York. I know this because I wasn't afraid of getting lost as much I would of, yes I did panic when we had to catch the train back and the taxi cab driver dropped us off and it didn't say PENN STATION, it said PENNSYLVANIA STATION. I paniced and told Shirley to call Jonathan so make sure we were in the right place. God we had so much fun in your honor. OH yes, we were in the right place. LOL I'll post the pictures on your page when I get back from the Cemetry. I love you SweetPea and I'm so glad I did this HONORING YOU on my vacation. It was the Best vacation ever and I'll never forget it. I know you were with us at all times, even during the long lines of waiting to see attractions. LOL Hugs and Kisses Always, MOM Close
Well Sweet Pea, I'm not crying so much these days. I think it's the medicines I'm taking. Sometimes I try to cry because I miss you so much and still can't believe you're gone, but my tears won't come. Aunt Shirley keeps taking me to this class once a month. She really thinks this is going to help me, but so far I haven't gotten anything out of it. She says "give it time", that I will and I won't even know it when it happens, it just happens. I really don't know what I would of done without your Aunt Shirley. I have really gone through some really rough times and she never left me no matter what I said or did. Can't say that about others, I felt like I was a time bomb getting ready to blow which I did sometimes but couldn't help it, my mouth over ride my brain. I miss Friends and Family but OH WELL, it's my fault I pushed them all away and now I'm living with it. They told me life goes on and I guess it dose no matter what happens in your life.
I know you are really proud of your little brother. He went to truck driving school and passed with a grade point average of 4.0. Then Reg got him a job and it pays GOOD MONEY. I'm really proud of him and he says he thinks of you when he wants to do something that he wants to do because he has the fear that it might not turn out the way he hopes for. So I want to Thank You for pushing him, cause I do believe you had something to do with it. He's really coming out of his shell, he's doing all kinds of stuff you would be amazed but PROUD.
On the 13th of May of this year, Aunt Shirley took, Gabby and me to your cross and we cut the grass again. That damn grass grows quicker then anything. Anyway after we got done cutting around your cross and up to I-5 We all sat and had a picnic at your CROSS. We ate Fried Chicken, mash potato, gravy, cole slaw, rolls and a drink. We also added more flowers and added something to the fence with your name on it and a solar light so when it's dark it will shine on your cross. We didn't get to see it in the dark, but we plan to go this weekend sometimes to see how it shines, plus keeping on top of the tall grass. I love doing this and by the time we get done doing the cleaning along I-5 I'm so tired I can hardly move. Have to go to work to rest. Anyway I haven't forgotten you at all, and I'm sorry I haven't visited here but for some reason I don't get online much anymore but you're always with me.
I just bought a Angel for my car. You plug it into your cigarette lighter and it glows a blue light. So when I'm driving I always think of you and I have a smile on my face when I look at the Angel glowing. I know now you're with me, for many months I didn't know where you were? All I knew that you weren't here on this earth with your Family and Friends. Thanks Sweet Pea for not giving up on your MOMMY. I still can hears it in my head you telling me I LOVE MY MOMMY. Thanks for telling me and showing me how much you love me, I miss that so much. I'm really proud to have 2 wonderful children who are loving and caring for others.
Megan is growing so fast, you won't believe that last weekend we had a shopping spree for GIRLS ONLY. We both thought of you so often and we laugh. I bought things for Megan that I thought you would and Megan knows this. She kept on saying Mommy would get this one, but Daddy is going to FREAK OUT when he sees what we bought. Just another step in your daughters life you didn't get to do and I get upset when I have to do it, but I'm glad I'm here to do it for her and you.
I LOVE YOU SWEET PEA and I'm still waiting to hear and see you in my DREAMS. Hold a place for me next to you will you?
Love you and Miss you so much.. xoxoxoxoxoxo MOMMY
Patrick's B-day / MOM (MOTHER)
Well Sweetie today is Patrick's birthday and I didn't know it until this morning but he took the kids to the coast for a few days. So we won't be spending his birthday with him. His mind is pre- occupied with other things these days. I don't know what's going on anymore. I'm so messed up and the family is getting worst. Well Auntie Esther is finally FREE from Cancer as of today, but she does have to take one pill a day for 5 years. But then last Friday I went with Aunt Shirley and the found something on her breast. She was really scared and so was I. I can't lose her too. Then I get a call from her yesterday and she was just screaming and yelling and saying that she was out in the parking lot of my work and she needed me right away. So it was lunch time and I went out as fast as I could. She was crying so hard, I hardly could understand her. Her doctor office called and left a urgent message on her cell phone for her to return her call. Aunt Shirley did and they wanted her to come in today (yesterday) and she said that she doesn't work on Friday so couldn't it just wait until then? They said "NO" the doctor needs to see you today at 1 o'clock and you're going to have to have surgery. Well that did it, and she lost it. So I left work with her to take her to the doctors to find out what's going on. My God she was scared to death, she was crying and said that she didn't want to die and my heart was breaking all over again. I thought what am I going to do if something really happens to her? She has held me in her arms when I break down for missing you. Now she's sick and I'm might me alone again. This world is not a very good place to be living, all it is, is alot of PAIN. So anyway Aunt Shirley does have to go in and talk with a breast speacilist and they are going to do a byopsy to find out if it's cancer or not. You have to do your work and HELP US OUT HERE... I finally went to the doctors myself and got on some ANTI-DEPRESSENTS, the first one didn't work at all and the second ones weren't strong enought so the doctor UP THE DOSE. I still think of you all the time, but I do think they are helping a little? I'm not crying as much, just feeling numb or just to busy with your Auntie's. Life really sucks here and I can't wait to see you. I hope you are around me and one day I hope I can see and hear you. I NEED YOU TO COME TO ME. OH and thanks for watching over DJ, during his truck driving school. He passed his schooling with a grade point average of 4.0 and he got his CDL so now he's waiting to here from a good job to see when he can start working. I know you were watching over him, of course both of my kids are smart. Now I'm just scared that something might happen to DJ since he finished school just like you did. You finished school and less then a year later you were gone. I don't know what I would do if something happen to your little brother? I would have to enter the hospital for sure, and not ever come out. Anyway just wanted to let you know how things are and they are changing alot for some of our family and as for me I'm the same of bitter person. I did go EARLY one morning around 5 in the morning to Patricks, and told him I was sorry for treating him the way I've been. I try my hardest not to be upset with him for having a girlfriend, but my mouth over rides my brain and then shit hits the fan. Anway I keep telling him to call me during the week, but I guess his mind is on his new relationship. He told me to call him anytime I needed him but then he doesn't answer his phone. What am I going to do? Sit back and not say anything and just take up space here until the day I die.
It's Valentine's night just got back with being with your Aunt Shirley. We went to the store and got you a Valentine's Bear holding a heart and of course I had to get you PINK CARNATIONS. Aunt Shirley got you lots of balloons. I gave you the balloon that she got me, so I'm recycling it to you. I will give you everything I have. I miss you so much SweetPea, I'm not doing good at all, I never thought in a million years you wouldn't be here. WHY? It's that question that will NEVER get answered. I know you're proud of your little brother, he's finally going to school and going to become a truck driver. So if you can HELP HIM like always. I love you Sweetie and so does your Daddy, we both miss you so and no matter how long we're stuck here on this earth you will always be with us in our heads and in our hearts. HUGS AND KISS from Daddy and ME. You're our little girl and DJ's big sister. He love you too Sis. Well I'm getting old and I going to go to bed, that's all I ever think of, after work get home and go to bed. HELL WITH ANYTHING to do in this house. Hoping one day someone will clean it like you use too. No Fat chance that will ever happen, cause you're not here to do it for me. I could always count on you HELPING YOUR FATHER AND I OUT. You're the BEST, and why does the BEST ALWAYS gets ripped away from the family? I LOVE YOU SWEETPEA AND MISS YOU MORE EACH DAY OF MY LIFE
JUST THINKING / Barb (MOTHER/BEST FRIEND )
Dear SweetPea,
Just sitting here all alone on a Saturday. Dad went with Patrick somewhere and Megan is staying over at Aunt Candee's for the night. You're on my mind all the time and some of the things I do and say I know what you're thinking of. I just can't help myself, you know me my mouth over rides my brain. I think Patrick and I are coming distance. I remember when Patrick and I did have our outtings you were always there to make us make up. Can't do it without you, I guess? Megan is getting bigger everyday and she uses big words and she's only 9 going on 29. I don't know what's going on with Johnathan's life? He doesn't come over very much and when he does he doesn't talk. He's busy with School stuff and his job, yes he has been working only part time. He's going to be 16 years old in a few days can you believe that? Life is going on without you SweetPea and I hate it.
I wish there was some way I could STOP IT, or turn back the clock to May 13, 2005 just before your accident. I wouldn't let it happen or I would jump into the seat and I would be driving. Yes thats what I would have done. That way you could be with your familly and I could be on your shoulders looking from above (maybe). LOL Anyway I just wanted to stop in and say I LOVE YOU and I CAN'T STOP OF THINKING OF YOU ALL DAY AND NIGHT.
Oh, Dad when he fell down the other day he did break his foot, he's walking around in a big boot. It's bigger then he is. Watch over your Father Gina he's needs your help.
Well, SweetPea I don't know where to begin, my life still sucks and getting worst everyday. Aunt Esther had her right breast remove 2 days after Christmas and now the doctor said the cancer they thought she had isn't. It's a different kind and they might have to go and remove her left breast and the glands under her arms. As normal you know why I hate doctors, they don't know what the hell they are doing and all they want to do is cut and dice up people well they are not going to touch me if I can help it. After all Aunt Esther told them to remove her whole right breast they just wanted to take a wedge out. She told them to take it off to make sure the cancer would be gone. Now the right breast is gone and the cancer is still there and now they want to cut up more. BULL CRAP.
Well last Thursday your Dad fell real bad and he fracture his ankle and sprung his right foot and right wrist. So he has his foot in one of those big walking boot and his right arm is wrapped all up. So he is laid up more then his normal self.
I'm getting tired and breaking down and not feeling good myself. I can't seem to get over the thought of your husband dating someone else. It just breaks my heart and he knows this so he's staying away as much as possible. Which hurts me also, and I think Megan likes this person Patrick is dating so she staying away too. I'm losing my family but have to stay on this wonderful place everyone calls home. I don't understand why Patrick has to date or have a companion? He can replace a wife, but I can't replace my daughter. I know you're saying STOP MOM, but Sweetie I can't. You should be with Patrick and the kids not someone else. What am I suppose to be to this girl , Patrick is dating and I have a feeling it's going to turn out to be more then dating. I just have this strong feeling. What about the holidays will Patrick bring her over to your parents house for Christmas' mornings? or not come over at all ? How can I handle this or any day? ALL I WANT IS YOU AND I CAN'T HAVE YOU. WHY? Your father said I'll never get over your loss but I have to cope with it. WHY? Why do I have to do things I don't want to, I have to please others anymore then myself.
I think Patrick and the kids haven't gone to your gravesite in a long time and that upsets me too. I'll never let you down. I love you and miss you FOREVER
Missing you more today / MOM (Mother)
MERRY CHRISTMAS SWEETPEA.
I love you and I can't believe it's the second Christmas you're not sharing with us here in this God forsaken world. I miss you so much sweetie.
Tonight is Christmas Eve, Dad wanted a gathering with his side of the family. So Dad made his famous Sweet and Sour Pork. Aunt Candee, Kenn, DJ and his girlfriend Katharine, Patrick and the kids and then Aunt Shirley and her son Jonathan stop over to visit. I worked my butt off to have all the pretty decorations up, and I kept myself busy with the help of others of course. The house inside and out didn't look too bad. The dinner was great, but at one moment I really had to fight back with all my might not to break down. I just can't handle the thought of everyone is going on with their life. It makes me sick to think that you're not here with us. I wish it was me that left this world instead of you. Life sucks and I will never understand why you had to leave your family?
Tomorrow for Christmas our plans are everyone is coming over here and were going to open presents. Once again your father sits back and it's the raw deal on presents. He told me one time that you were the only one that made sure he got a present that you knew he would want. I'm so sorry SweetPea, that my heart is still broken and I can't move on with life. My life isn't living, and I can't help it. I try having a good time and then I think of what happen to you and it's not fair that we sit around having a good time and you're not here. I WANT YOU BACK and I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HAVE YOU BACK.
I feel like some peoples lives didn't even skp a beat when the accident happen. Just go on with life,because this is what you have to do. People tell me that you wouldn't want me so unhappy and bitter. Well it's not easy losing your Daughter and Best Friend. Having you and talking with you one minute and then finding out I don't have you anymore. It just kills me, that I have to go on with life. I DON'T WANT TOO!
Im pushing Megan away from me and I don't mean to, but I get so upset about the way things are going and I hate it. This isn't the way life is suppose to be. I don't understand how people can go on with their life and just add on more memories. My memories so far is just a breaking heart, crying alot and pushing family away and hurting the ones I love. I'm afraid to love anyone the way I loved you because they might get ripped away from me. I'm such an awful person and I hate the world and everything in it. I just can't wait to be taken from here, but it won't happen. For some reason I must have done something really terrible to be punish so harshly. I'm not sleeping very good, and running myself down and I don't care. Sorry but it's a poor me time I guess.
Were ever you are I hope you're not in pain like I am here. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Close
SweetPea you have been on my mind all the time. Today after work I was getting sad thinking it's going to be THANKSGIVING tomorrow and you're not going to be here with us to share it once again. Then the new Tim McGraw song MY LITTLE GIRL came on over the radio, then your song 70 SOMETHING, then I seen your car that you wanted before the accident, then your Wedding song came on. I didn't know what to think? All of this happen is such a short period of time, one right after another. I was glad to hear them all but it also makes me sad, because I can't put my arms around you to tell you I LOVE YOU and I can't hear you tell me. God, I miss you so much. I still look at your photo's and I can't believe I had a wonderful Daughter and Best Friend and you're not here with us. It's not fair, and I sure do know life isn't fair.
Auntie Esther has Breast Cancer and she is so strong, I don't know how she does it? I would give up and not do anything about it. She goes to a specialist friday after Thanksgiving. I really don't know what to think? I have strong feelings that things aren't going to be good, why should they? She part of my life and my life sucks and things that are bad are going to keep happening to me as long as I'm here on earth. Can't wait to see you and the sooner the better. I know you hate me talking like this, but that's the way my heart is.
I'm happy and sad at the same time if that makes since? I'm just here taking up someone else special space who wants to live. It seems like everyone that's around me someone is getting hurt. So why be happy so I can be hurt more? This way I'm already down and all I have to be is more down.... I love you and miss you so much no one will NEVER KNOW how much I'm hurting inside. I think of you every day and night. But you still don't come to me in my sleep? Why is that, so I don't get my hopes up that I'll see you again? I WANT TO SEE YOU AND TO HOLD YOU...
DJ and Katharine are really happy, it's so cute how they are together and you would really love Katharine. Of course as long as your little brother is happy you would be happy. Katharine really makes DJ happy. I've never seen him this happy in his whole life. She is good for him and he's good for her. They are coming over once a week and I LOVE IT. I look forward to that night.
Megan has been sick alot this past couple of weeks, with a bad cold she can't seem to shake. I hope she gets better because if anything happens to that little girl I won't be here anymore. She missed almost one week of school and I'm not sure if she went this week? She reminds me of you so much, she's really smart thanks to you. You're one smart cookie.
I tell strangers about you all the time, I want the whole world to know how you were killed and I'll never know WHY you were until I'm dead. I LOVE YOU SWEETPEA SO MUCH COME TO ME AND TALK TO ME, I NEED YOU PLEASE.........
I count every day, every holiday and they all suck
My 2nd Birthday while you're not here / Mom (MOM/ BEST FRIEND )Read >>
My 2nd Birthday while you're not here / Mom (MOM/ BEST FRIEND )
Sweetie, it's my B-Day and I'm sitting here in Aunt Shirley's basement crying my eyes out and missing you so much. God I miss you and want you in my arms. I love you and I still don't know why you were taken from me - all of us. I'm not any better today then I was the night got the news that you weren't here. It's not fair that I have to live on this damn earth without you. I don't understand why am I still here on this earth breathing every second? You're the one that should be here to take care of others. I'm just sitting here taking up space and in pain all the time. I might be smiling on the outside and busy, but when no one is around I'm nothing but a basket case. My head hurts so much trying to figure out why you have to be gone and I'm stuck in this big fat body who doesn't want to do a damn thing. I hate my work, I don't want to go there. I feel like everyone there is just pushing to the max for me to fall. You know how stuburn I am, but I'm getting weaker everyday. Why doesnt God just kick my butt right out of this damn for saken world? Gina, I miss you more each second and I don't think I'll ever be well. I start looking at pictures of me before May 13, 2005 and I looked alive, but after that day all photo's of me I look dead. I dont feel like I'm the family member I once was. It's killing me and I'm just smothering here, WHY IN GODS NAME DO I HAVE TO LIVE THE WAY I AM? There is so much killing in this world and everytime I hear of one, I think WHY THEM AND NOT ME? I really think that, and I know it's wrong to think that, but for God sake you are my DAUGHTER and you are not suppose to leave before me. I dont know how any parent can keep on going when their child has died. GINA I LOVE U SO MUCH, I CAN'T SAY THAT ENOUGH TIMES IN THE DAY. You're my SWEETPEA and you belong here. PLEASE GINA I'M ASKING YOU TO COME TO ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY WISH.
Hi pretty girl <3 <3 xoxoxoxox / Lorraine Carl (Mom's friend )
HI GINA Sorry I haven't written in awhile. This will be the 2nd Halloween without you physiclly here. Your 'Lil Megan has grown up so much and takes good care of Grammy, grampy, Daddy, and even Auntie Ester!!!! We know you are here in spirit and in our hearts. <3 <3 <3
Tributes and Condolences
Add to favorites 
